An Evening At Home

The daylight hours had just recently, as recently as a week or two ago, started extending into the early moments of the evening, all of a sudden while Jamie was too busy to even notice. As if to mock her, the sun had started setting itself at around 5:20 or so and didn’t actually become dark outside until 6:00 pm.

Jamie sat at the little dining room table, a perfect square of a table, staring out the living room windows as the sun began to set, with an untouched copy of the February 25, 2006 Daily News sitting idly in front of her. Nothing in the entire apartment, at the moment was in the business of making a single sound. And thanks to walls that were by no means thin, there wasn’t so much as a murmur coming from the outside world either. In fact, if you had the kind of mind that is aware of such things, you might have been fooled into believing that the refrigerator had even stopped running. It was the first and only moment of absolute peace that she’d had all day and yet at any moment she was expecting – no, anticipating it being abruptly interrupted by Sean’s return from work. It wasn’t that she spent her day pining for Sean to get home (she was far too busy for any of that) but always around this time, as the day started to wind down, she welcomed the stability of another body in the home.

Fiddling with the edges of the bottom corner of her newspaper, she contemplated getting the house phone from the kitchen and calling Sean back since he still hadn’t answered her call from her cell fifteen minutes prior. But just as she started to push her chair out from the table she heard him at the door and she quickly sat up straight, splitting the newspaper open to a random page. Sean came into the apartment as quietly as possible, as he had been thrice instructed and reminded to do after several times when he’d awoken the baby upon entering.

In the two years prior to Jason’s birth, Sean had become accustom to shouting Jamie’s name out so that his voice reached the back of the apartment because her hours at the cafe were so erratic and she adamantly refused to comply with his request to call him when she got home from work. And even though these days he knew for certain that Jamie was always home when he got there – a habit is a habit. However, today, Sean keenly recalled the visceral tongue lashing he had received that previous Friday and took the time to remember the two simple steps that Jamie had explained to him in such vivid language: “Don’t slam the fucking door and keep your damn voice down.” He even went as far as to take his shoes off and leave them by the door next to the umbrellas before making his way to their room. He was shocked when after only five or six steps in, he found Jamie at the dining room table and not in their room with their son.

“What’s up? Where’s Jason?” He asked, standing behind her chair with his hands on the shoulders.

“Hi honey! My day was great, thanks for asking.”

“Sorry, Sorry!”

Sean quickly took his hands off the shoulders of the chair and placed them on the shoulders of his girl as he bent over to kiss her forehead, flustering as if he’d forgotten to bring home diapers rather than to give a warmer greeting.

“I’m just not – I think this is the first time I’ve seen you not with him.”

“I know, but I think I should try this.” She said, grabbing hold of the four fingers resting calmly on her collarbone. “I figured if I could get used to being out of the room and awake while he’s sleeping then I might get used to being in the room and asleep while he’s sleeping.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“It wasn’t mine. My mom suggested it.”

“Well you would’ve figured it out eventually.” He started to massage her shoulders and her neck, almost violently, which was the way she liked it. “Why don’t you go take your nap now? I’m here.”

This was the routine they had been following for the past eight days: Sean would come home and relieve her of her post so that she could catch up on the sleep that she was not getting at night. Jamie was the one that got up to prepare the bottles and rock Jason back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning; not because Sean wouldn’t but because Jamie would always be awake anyway. It was Sean’s belief that she was intentionally staying up, awaiting the late night feedings, possibly to preempt his ineffectiveness at it. On their third night home, Sean woke up twice to find Jamie standing over the crib listening to Jason breathe. That next morning she reluctantly admitted to him that she’d stood there for just about the entire night and the two nights prior to it.

“I can’t. I don’t know; I feel like I’ve been drinking coffee all day.”

“How could you not be tired? When did you sleep?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t tired. I just can’t go to sleep.”

She stood up from under his grasp and started toward the kitchen. Sean dumped himself into her seat, taking solaces in the warmth and scent that she left behind.

“What do you wanna eat for dinner? If you want chicken it’s gonna have to be microwave defrosted ‘cause I didn’t – “

“I don’t want you to cook I want you to take a nap.”

“I told you I can’t! You don’t think I want to?”

This insomnia business was becoming very unsettling to Sean. To put it plainly: he was worried sick about it. He didn’t see how a first time mother could provide adequate care for her new born while existing on only three hours of sleep or less per night. The safety of his son was not the concern that Jamie’s sleeplessness raised. The issue that did plague Sean was that of Jamie’s sanity.

“So let’s order something then.”

“For what? That’s a waste of money.” She said from the kitchen. “We have food right here.”

Jamie was a mother in the true sense; to both her boys.

“So let me cook. And just sit down at least.”

“I’m gonna make chicken and broccoli.”

“Jamie…”

She poked her head out through the curtain of beads hanging from the kitchen opening with her eyebrows raised the way she does when she’s openly ignoring him.

“White rice or yellow rice?”

“Sit down!”

“Yellow rice.”

Sean got up from his seat and charged into the kitchen. Jamie was crouched down getting the rice out of the cabinet underneath the sink when she looked up and saw him coming for her. Instantly she gave protest, mostly for theatrics, which Sean of course ignored and lifted her up over his shoulder. He carried her out of the kitchen and into the living room while she pounded her fists on his back and kicked her feet, demanding to be put down but being careful not to raise her voice. When they got to the living room Sean slung her to his front and flopped into the couch, cradling her across his lap the same way he did with Jason, smiling at her gleefully.

“What are you doing?” Jamie said, smiling back.

“I’m not letting you cook. Or do anything else.”

She sighed and threw her head back so that it hung over the side of his knee, which put the setting sun light flush over her face. The combination of being partially upside down and seeing the brightness from outside gave her a slightly intoxicating feeling. She closed her eyes and was unconsciously thankful for it.

“How was work?”

“Same shit but worse. Vic called out so I didn’t get to take lunch.”

“You haven’t eaten?!”

“I ate babe. I just didn’t get to take a break; you know?”

“Why’d he call out?”

“I don’t know. He left me a voice mail. I didn’t bother to call back, it was too crazy. With all the shit I had on my plate already the fucking kid at the desk kept bugging me about the fucking voice thing in the elevator. You know the voice that calls out the floors when you pass?”

“Um hm.” Said Jamie, still with her eyes closed and head tilted.

“Yeah, it stopped working this morning, of course. And they had some director that I’ve never heard of staying in one of the Presidentials so they couldn’t very well have the elevator voice out of order…”

“So is that what you did on your lunch break?”

“Yeah, me and the new kid. He’s actually not so bad.”

“You said he talked too much.” There was no hiding the sleep slipping into her voice.

“Eh, I think he was just nervous being the new guy. He’s alright though… you falling asleep?”

“Feels like it. I can hardly tell anymore.”

“I know what would put you over the top.”

Before she answered, a devilish grin sprouted across her face with the purpose of persuasion, though she didn’t know Sean wasn’t looking.

“Yeah but you’re not gonna do it.”

“Says who?”

“Baby, you’re gonna give me a foot rub?”

“Yes I am.” Sean replied.

And he did. And it felt good – to him. He was filled with a sense of responsibility and pride. He was a provider. He had a family now. Not wanting that feeling to pass, at least for the moment, he began to think of more ways to make Jamie happy or more accurately, to be the source of Jamie’s happiness.

“You know what we should do… You falling asleep?”

“No. Tell me what we should do.”

“Okay… We should go see that movie that came out on Friday. The one we saw the commercial for when we were watching –“

“Oh! ‘Something New’?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“For real, Sean?!” Jamie shot up off of his lap and her face was now inches from his. “You said you didn’t wanna see it!” She slapped his shoulder for the possibility that he’d either lied when he said he didn’t want to see it in the first place or was now just teasing her and really didn’t intend on going.

“I don’t. But I want you to see it.”

“Oh, so… I could go by myself.” Jamie said, half asking.

“Oh, I thought we would –“

“I wasn’t serious! Of course I want you to come with me!” She squeezed his cheeks in her hand and said with an accent that she would have normally reserved for Jason, “You should’ve seen the look on your face!”

“Are you gonna get dressed?” He replied, trying to shake off the embarrassment.

“Yeah; when you take me.”

Sean picked Jamie up in the same cradle that they had sat down in and carried her down the hall to their bedroom.

“You changing or you going like that?”

“If I take these clothes off I’m not putting any more on.”

“Good because you take forever.”

They reached the door to their bedroom and Sean set her down so he could open it.

“You’re having a lot of fun cracking jokes huh?” he said as he turned the door knob. “You know I think you should just go by yourself because –“

With the door to the bedroom now fully open and obstructing no view of any area of the room, they both saw what they’d always immediately looked for when entering the room and Jamie solemnly and somewhat regretfully finished Sean’s sentence for him.