M101

Morgan had fifty things going on in her mind when she got on the M101 bus at 34^th and 3^rd. She had to write the last five pages of her Experimental Psychology paper later that night, buy her little sister a graduation present and find something to wear for the graduation which was the next afternoon at 11 am, and figure out how she was going to pay her credit card bills, buy a 30 day Metro Card, and pay her phone bill all with her next pay check. She also had to be at work as a secretary in Dr. Logan’s office 15 minutes prior to when she stepped onto the bus.

It was about 12:15 in the afternoon on a Tuesday in June so the M101 was thinly populated, which made her feel like she could focus on trying to fit her Metro Card back into a slot in her purse without looking up, while she stumbled toward the back of the bus. Once she reached her favorite seats, the ones that face the backdoor and turn into space for wheelchairs, she dumped herself into one as she would the grey tweed sofa she shared with her family in their cluttered living room on 126^th street. After she finally got the card back into her purse she unzipped its cash pocket to see how much she had on her - a twenty and three singles. She could’ve sworn there was another twenty in there the last time she checked. She’d have to go to the bank after work before she went looking for her sister’s gift. She didn’t believe in paying ATM fees. Though it would only add 10 to 15 minutes to her errand she took it as if the only bank she could go to was on Staten Island. As she dropped her purse into her lap, let her arms go limp, and threw her head back - almost hitting it against the window behind her - thinking to herself “What’s next?!”, she realized she was sitting across from someone she knew.

Al was sleeping with his head on the right shoulder of the girl sitting next to him. Actually she was more leaning into him than sitting next to him. The first observation Morgan made about the girl was that she appeared to be a mulatto. Interestingly enough she had never heard that term used until three days prior when someone on Hot 97’s morning show was asking if it was politically incorrect to use it. She would be sure to use the word when referring to the girl the next time she spoke to Al. And speaking of speaking to Al, she had spoken to him not more than two weeks prior and he hadn’t mentioned her, but from the looks of it she didn’t seem to be a new fixture in his life. They seemed quite comfortable sleeping in each other’s company. The second thing she noticed was that the girl must have been significantly shorter than Al because he had his torso tilted at an angle just to get his head onto her shoulder. She knew he had to be uncomfortable in that position because she remembered how much he moved and shifted every time they went to bed. It always took him fifteen minutes to find a position that was comfortable enough for him to fall asleep in and even after he did, he would still toss and turn for most of the night. She found it almost impossible to sleep with him, but of course she hadn’t known that until after they moved in together.

A year and two months ago they moved into a one bed room apartment in the Tremont section of the Bronx. Nine months later they decided to split up, move out and sub lease the apartment to his older cousin. The split was smooth and amicable. They remained in touch, speaking on the phone occasionally but had not seen each other since they were moving the last of their things out of the apartment. When she called him two weeks ago it was to invite him to her sister’s 8^th grade graduation. She didn’t want to but Noa begged her. Noa was always crazy about Al and he was always really nice to her. Al told Morgan that he couldn’t make it because he was going out of town that same day, but to tell Noa that he was really sorry he couldn’t be there and very flattered that she even thought to invite him. Morgan was relieved when she heard it. She wasn’t ready to see him yet and she took comfort in the idea that he may have been lying about going out of town because he also wasn’t ready to see her. Now that she was seeing him here, on the bus with this woman, she was almost positive he was lying, though not for the reasons she had hoped.

Upon sneaking another look at the two of them she noticed the girl’s hand moving around atop his head. She was awake! This opened up the door to new possibilities. Just before this happened she was going to get up and sit in the front of the bus in case Al woke up and saw her. She didn’t want him to think she was doing exactly what she had been, which wouldn’t look very good on her part. But the situation presenting itself now hadn’t crossed her mind. She quickly looked over the girl once more, taking in all the details this time. She was wearing a red T-shirt with a faded blue and white 80’s disco looking logo that said “The Strokes” (Morgan had no idea who that was but she imagined it was the name of some band because everyone was starting to wear those old looking T-shirts with names of bands on them.) on the front, tight black jeans that almost looked like spandex, and red Chinese slippers. She looked like he had picked her out of a café in the Village like a grape out of a bunch. It almost made Morgan sick to her stomach. This girl was probably some type of Liberal Arts major with no job or even worse - a drop out that worked in a record store or vintage clothing “boutique”. She would have never pictured Al to be with such a girl, so much the opposite of herself. She thought for a moment about the immediate differences between them; Morgan’s hair was black, straight and short, barely reaching the base of her neck, as a result of her cutting off five inches of it almost a year ago. The girl’s hair was also black but very curly and reached down to the middle of her back (this was an educated guess being that her hair was in a pony tail at the moment). The girl was dressed as if she hadn’t intended on leaving the house but was forced out due to a fire. Morgan would never walk out of her building dressed like that. Five days a week she wore slacks or skirts and blouses by Donna Karen or Saks 5^th Avenue and she didn’t mind doing so. On the weekends she wore $175 pairs of jeans, $90 T-shirts and $150 shoes. Al always said that she took her looks too seriously and should try dressing “down” once and a while. In her opinion this girl was the embodiment of “dressing down” and if that’s what he had in mind for her then he had the right idea in going to find it elsewhere.

Morgan was sure this girl was what Al would refer to as “fun loving” but what the hell does that mean anyway? Who doesn’t love fun? Everyone was “fun loving”! She got offended when they had spoken a couple of months ago and she asked him what differences he would be looking for in her replacement and he responded “Someone not so serious. A little more fun loving.” She got so angry when he said that that she couldn’t even hear anything else after that. All she remembered was feeling something bordering on hatred that she had never felt before then. And for days all she could think about was how much of an asshole he was. Eventually her mother came to her rescue and got her through it since Al was usually the one who consoled her when she was going through one of her many issues. A few days later Al called her and apologized and soon after that they were friends again.

A small part of her still believed that there was a chance they could wind up back together. Her explanation for why they broke up was that they, as well as their relationship, were too young to have moved in together. It wasn’t like they didn’t love each other anymore, they were just fighting constantly and they had gotten tired of each other. Who wouldn’t? She figured they just needed to be apart for a while and then reevaluate their situation. But now, looking at him with this girl who was just about the complete opposite of herself and seeming, not just happy, but more content than he ever looked in her own presence, she was for the first time acknowledging the possibility that he may not want her anymore.

Morgan got up from her seat with her eyes focused on Al. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the girl lift her head and watch her as she moved forward and stood over them. Morgan turned to the girl with a smile on her face, still standing in front of Al who was still asleep.

“Hi, he’s a friend of mine,” She said to the girl. “You mind if I wake him up?”

“Sure, go ahead… I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

Morgan was already half turned toward Al and away from the girl, pretending she hadn’t heard her question. She traced the lines inside his left ear with her right index finger until his head jolted up off of the girls shoulder in a daze. His first instinct was to look out the window to see if this was their stop. When he realized that it wasn’t he immediately turned back to the girl (which sent a hot sensation through Morgan’s chest) who then directed him, with her eyes, to Morgan. He looked up at Morgan first with uncertainty, then his eyes widened and he straightened up in his seat like he was frightened.

“Oh, shit. Hey, how you doing?”

“That’s it?! I haven’t seen you in months! Get up and give me a hug!”

He stood up to give her a hug and she immediately felt the tentativeness in his whole body. She had wrapped herself around him with all her might and he did not at all reciprocate. She was growing extremely frustrated about the whole situation now but was trying her best not to show it. Before she let go of Al she took a quick glance down toward the girl, who was still sitting and staring at the two of them. When their eyes met, neither of them shifted their glare and Morgan squeezed Al a little tighter before she finally let go.

“So how’ve you been? Noa’s graduating tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah she is. She was a little disappointed that you couldn’t come.” As soon as the words left her mouth she looked back down toward the girl who was now at the edge of her seat, with her body turned toward the two of them.

“Yeah I know. I wish I could’ve but… Oh wow, actually…”

He turned toward the girl, who was already looking at him tightly.

“This is Christine. Christine, this is Morgan.”

Morgan extended her hand to Christine.

“Nice to meet you.” She said, curtly.

“Likewise.” Christine replied, with the same enthusiasm.

“Yeah, I’m going to Boston with Christine tomorrow so that’s why- “

“Actually I’m going with him. He’s the one getting the new job.” Christine reached over and grabbed Al’s hand.

“Job? In Boston?” Morgan had a flash of lightheadedness that startled her for a moment.

“Nah, not exactly. I got a job writing for this new online magazine. They’re based in Boston but I’ll be working from home. I’m just going out there to talk.”

“Oh ok! But you didn’t tell me about a new job the last time I spoke to you.” She slapped him playfully on the arm. She felt the weight lift off of her chest when she was sure he wasn’t moving.

“I think we were both in a rush last time we spoke, right?”

Al looked out the window to find a street sign. They were just passing 71^st street.

“You still work for Dr. Logan?”

“Yeah, why?” She said with a perplexed smirk.

“We’re about to hit 72^nd street.”

“Damnit! I’m already late!”

“It’s only four blocks. He never cared when you were late before.”

That flicker of familiarity made Morgan smile. She hugged him again, waved to Christine and got off the bus.

“So that was her, huh?” Christine had her elbow rested on Al’s shoulder and was grazing his hair again.

“Yeah. That was her.” Al was staring out the window across from them.

Christine punched him in the arm. “Why’d it take you so long to introduce me?”

“I had just woken up!” He was already expecting that question and had preconceived his answer. She was expecting the preconceived answer.

“I’m assuming you never spoke to her about that time, on the phone.”

“No. What am I supposed to say?” He asked, annoyed.

“Well I don’t buy it. She forgot… ok.”

“No one said she forgot. Can we drop it?”

“If she didn’t forget then what happened?”

Al looked at her for a second, then started to answer her, and then stopped again. He was trying to convey to her that he was tired of talking and even thinking about this but he knew she wouldn’t stop until she was satisfied. Christine was still looking at him, an unwavering look, and waiting for an answer.

“I spoke to her mom about it after it happened - I’ve told you this story already, by the way – and she told me she’d talk to her about it. She told her that she heard yelling from her room the other day and she wanted to know if it was because of something I said to her. Morgan told her I said something that made her mad and they talked about that, but other than that, she had no recollection of it. She didn’t forget. She had a blackout. She blacked out.”

“Obviously she’s lying. Who would admit to saying those things?”

“Why would she lie about yelling over the phone? I never told her mother exactly what she said. She had no reason to lie. She blacked out Chris. She blacked out.”